


Time for a Change

by Annehiggins



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 14:50:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1692269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annehiggins/pseuds/Annehiggins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something is troubling Obi-Wan. Warning: Obi-Wan is 8 in this. There is NO sexual activity whatsoever, but such things are mentioned around him.</p>
<p>Written and posted a year or so after the film's release with the following note: In order not to offend sensibilities, I decided to error toward caution with <em>Bonding Through the Years</em> in physical matters between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. But what I think would really happen bugged me enough I felt I had to write at least part of it. This is not a story about sex. Not even close. It's about the need to cuddle and to make use of the time two bondmates have in a life that frequently demands they be apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time for a Change

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Bonding Through the Years](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1690673) by [Annehiggins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annehiggins/pseuds/Annehiggins). 



**Time for a Change  
By Anne Higgins**

Qui-Gon Jinn watched the landing ramp deploy and gave serious thought to retreating back into his cabin. Maybe even to hiding under the bunk. However, the notion of explaining to his Padawan why a Jedi Master would seek to hide from his eight-year-old bondmate made that solution to his situation problematic.

He could tell Xanatos that Obi-Wan was in a foul mood. Unfortunately, only Qui-Gon could appreciate the full horror of such a development. Well, horror might be too strong a word, then again, he hadn't yet heard the why of it all. When he'd first sensed it, he'd tried to be a good bondmate and ask what was wrong. Obi-Wan had informed him they would discuss the matter upon his return to Coruscant. That had been over two weeks ago. The fact that Obi-Wan had kept to this proclamation did not bode well. No, not at all.

A heavy sigh escaped him, drawing a questioning gaze from his Padawan who was no doubt wondering why in the seven hells of Sith they were standing there like a couple of fools instead of disembarking. Qui-Gon gave him what he hoped was a courageous smile, told himself he must lead by example, then started down the ramp.

Normally this action would have resulted in a joyful squeal -- or the eight-year-old equivalent -- and a small figure racing into his arms. Today said small figure was standing by the Temple door, scowling at him. The underside of the bunk beckoned once again, but Xanatos chose that moment to ask, "What is wrong with Kenobi?"

"I don't know." He managed not to growl or whimper the words, but it seemed not even his best 'Serene Jedi Master' voice could make that sound right.

"You don't know?" His Padawan's jaw dropped open a little before the teenager caught himself and snapped it shut. Dignity recovered, Xanatos said, "I didn't think that was possible."

Great. His bondmate was angry, and his Padawan was giving him one of those 'the mystique of the Master has slipped another notch' looks. This was not a good day. "He's shielding from me, Padawan. I _can_ break through, but that would be an invasion of his privacy." Not to mention undo about five million lectures on respecting Qui-Gon's right to shield things from Obi-Wan. Sith.

"Ah." Xanatos sounded enlightened. That made one of them.

They reached Obi-Wan a moment later, and the boy fell into step beside Qui-Gon. No smile, no greeting and no hug. Once again Qui-Gon fought the impulse to whimper. They'd been apart for such a long time, how could the child not long for physical closeness? The need for it was all but making Qui-Gon tear at his own hair. /Obi-Wan, please?/

The boy's scowl deepened, but he held up his arms.

Needing no more encouragement, Qui-Gon scooped Obi-Wan up and into a hug. The boy even deigned to hug back, his legs settling around Qui-Gon's waist, signaling that he would allow his bondmate to carry him back to Qui-Gon's quarters as usual. Maybe things weren't as bad as Qui-Gon had feared.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Xanatos studying him, then the Padawan said, "Master, if you have no further need for me, I would like to see if Padawan Lashira is in residence."

Qui-Gon smiled. Lashira was one of Xanatos' agemates and his current favorite among the females who craved the handsome youth's attentions. He nodded, and his Padawan hurried off down a corridor leading to the common areas.

Normally a Padawan would not ask for leave so quickly upon return to Coruscant. There were post-mission briefings and a Master's things to be tended to, but not when Qui-Gon was the Master involved. The day he returned from a mission always belonged to Obi-Wan. It was an absolute not even the Jedi Council had ever been able to sway him from. As to his things, Obi-Wan saw to them. The boy's way of taking care of his bondmate. Xanatos performed those duties only when they were off world.

Qui-Gon considered the silent child in his arms and guessed he would be doing his own unpacking tonight. He sighed. Right now he'd happily consent to doing all the unpacking for the entire Temple if Obi-Wan would only smile and call him 'Quigee.'

The scent of bath oil greeted him as he entered his quarters and Obi-Wan squirmed out of his arms. To his surprise the boy led him through their normal post-mission ritual. Obi-Wan helped him undress, got him into the tub, washed his hair and scrubbed his back, then combed out his hair and braided it once he was dressed and out of the tub. The only thing missing was the chatter. The boy refused to speak to him. Or look at him.

It was Qui-Gon's turn to scowl when Obi-Wan disappeared into the bedroom to deal with his bondmate's pack. He hadn't known such silence since before Obi-Wan was born. With his voice, thoughts or presence, Obi-Wan had been a vibrant part of Qui-Gon's life since his birth. He ached with the lack of it. Well, perhaps lack of it was another exaggeration, but to be so closed off due to Obi-Wan's wishes did hurt. Especially after they had been apart for so long. Or was it because of that? Was Obi-Wan punishing him for the length of the mission?

When the child returned to the front room, he sat down on the sofa, not Qui-Gon's lap. "Enough, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said softly. "You have had your way. I respected your silence until I returned, but I am here now."

Obi-Wan glanced at him, then looked swiftly back to the floor. The moisture in those large grey-green eyes told Qui-Gon sorrow, not anger, had prompted this shielding.

Qui-Gon moved swiftly from his chair to kneel on the floor before Obi-Wan, his large hands caressing the boy's arms. "Tell me."

A sniff, then a halting voice said, "You never ... I didn't understand." Qui-Gon could almost see him summoning up courage, then the boy looked him in the eye and asked, "Will you ever love me as much as other bondmates love each other?"

If Obi-Wan had told him the entire Temple had gone over to the Dark Side, Qui-Gon wouldn't have been more stunned. Privately he'd always known the bond they shared made all other soulbonds pale by comparison. And now Obi-Wan asked him this. Distressed his hands tightened their grip on Obi-Wan's arms. "My imp, how could you ask such a thing?"

It was not the correct thing to say. The tears began to fall, and Obi-Wan looked away. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I should ... I ... I am grateful for what we have."

No, this wasn't right. Obi-Wan was misreading him so badly that he had assumed he was being chided for daring to question. Unable to endure the sight of his Obi-Wan crying, Qui-Gon scooped him up into his arms and held him tightly. The boy pressed his face against Qui-Gon's neck and sobbed.

No. What had he done? "I love you, Obi-Wan." His voice held a plea, and he felt on the verge of tears himself. "With everything that I am, I love you."

"You do?"

"Yes, my imp. Yes."

"Then why? ..."

"What? Tell me."

A sniffle answered him. A sigh followed, then, "Why won't you let me sleep with you?"

Qui-Gon stiffened. This again? Something close to anger stirred within him. In that instant Obi-Wan was out of his arms and almost through the door. "Stop!" he commanded, using the Force to ensnare the fleeing child.

Obi-Wan went very still. He did not struggle against the energy holding him, did not do anything but stand there in silence.

It made Qui-Gon feel like some sort of monster, but it was not within him to watch Obi-Wan run from him and do nothing. He walked over to his bondmate, then dropped to one knee beside him. "We have discussed this before." Repeatedly.

Obi-Wan didn't answer in words, but his shielding slipped, and once again Qui-Gon was confronted by the boy's certainty that Qui-Gon's love for him was a mere reflection of what other bondmates had.

The pain behind it, and his own pain in sensing it, made Qui-Gon's stomach churn. He could not deal with this. Not without knowing how Obi-Wan had come to this heart-breaking conclusion. "Tell me what has happened, my imp. I must know why you doubt me."

A long silence, then the shields between them dropped and memory flowed into Qui-Gon's mind.

**Two Weeks Ago**

Obi-Wan nibbled at his lunch, but couldn't work up any enthusiasm for it. A small part of him felt badly about it. Master N'bara had asked the cook to make up Obi-Wan's favorite - micrik and noodles. But he wasn't hungry and swallowing was such an effort.

"Obi-Wan, you must eat," she said, touching his shoulder.

He looked up into the kind, lovely face and found a small smile. "Yes, Master. It's very good. Thank you." Hoping to ease the concern he saw in her violet eyes, he took another bite. Dull, tasteless. Like everything else.

She bit her lip, the pale silver of her skin going white beneath the pressure of teeth to flesh. "Obi-Wan ... Qui-Gon will not be pleased if he finds out you are neglecting your health."

His hand tightened on his fork, the threat understood. He either ate every bite or she would go to the Council and insist they inform Qui-Gon his bondmate was not well. It was almost tempting. He missed Quigee so much. It hurt inside. Three months had crawled by since the Jedi Master and his Padawan had left on their latest mission. Never had Obi-Wan been separated from Qui-Gon for so long. Yes, it hurt. Hurt despite all the gentle mind touches, the Force hugs and the bedtime stories. Hurt so much, Obi-Wan was having trouble doing anything, let alone eat or sleep.

If Master N'bara spoke to the Council, they might call Qui-Gon home. Before the mission ended. And it was an important one. Quigee had told him the fate of two worlds hung in the balance when he'd explained why he might be away for a long time. What would happen to those two worlds if Qui-Gon came home because he was such a baby? No, he couldn't allow it.

He nodded and began to eat more quickly, determined to swallow every bite, already knowing he would never be able to stand the sight or smell of micrik and noodles ever again. When he finally finished, he looked up to find the dining hall all but empty beyond the Master and himself.

She smiled at him, patted his hand. "Go play with your friends, Obi-Wan. I'll see to your tray."

"Yes, Master," he answered, then hurried out of the huge room before she could decide he had to eat some dessert, too. Once he was out of her sight, he did not head for the recreational area of the Temple, but instead turned down the corridor leading to the Meditation Gardens.

Settling into an empty alcove, he wrapped himself in a blanket of 'no-Obi-Wan,' then slipped through the bond and let himself be with Qui-Gon. Every day for three months he'd done this for at least a few minutes, and every day he'd discovered the same thing. A lot of loud, angry voices underscored by flares of irritation and impatience in Qui-Gon.

Tears welled in Obi-Wan's eyes. Every day. The same thing. Would Quigee ever be able to come home? He broke the intensity of the contact, so he was once again centered back on Coruscant, then let the tears fall and his body tremble with the cold fear he would have to grow old enough to join Qui-Gon's mission before he would have his bondmate's arms around him again.

He almost wished his protective nature hadn't allowed him to develop shields adequate enough to hide his upset from Qui-Gon while not giving away the fact he was hiding something. He ached to talk with him, but knew he should not distract him.

"Don't cry, little one." A gentle voice, but not Quigee's and not in his mind. He rubbed at his eyes, then looked up to see a tall, blond Knight standing in the entrance to his alcove. Who? Oh, yeah, Goran. Bondmate to Knight Franaka. Qui-Gon had pointed them out once as one of several Bondpairs who called the Coruscant Temple home. "I. ..."

Goran smiled. "You miss Master Jinn."

Obi-Wan nodded.

"I know how you feel. I miss Franaka, too."

"Miss her?" He frowned. He thought other pairs were always together.

"I have Culloug Flu," he said, sitting down. He lacked the green cast of his skin that indicated a contagious stage so Obi-Wan did not flinch at having him near. "I couldn't go with her when a mission came up requiring her presence."

"How long has she been gone?"

"Five weeks." Goran sighed. "If feels like a lifetime."

"Master Qui-Gon has been gone for three months."

"So Master N'bara tells me."

Oh. Sometimes Obi-Wan missed the days when the woman had generally disapproved of his bond with Qui-Gon and left Obi-Wan some semblance of peace. It seemed like she was always fussing over him these days. "She asked you to talk to me, didn't she?"

Another smile. "Yes, she says you aren't doing very well. Although I must say, I think you are handling it far better than I would."

The tears grew heavy in his eyes again. "I don't have much choice," he sniffed. "I can't go on missions with Master Qui-Gon."

"I know. But maybe if we tell each other all about our bondmates, we'll feel better."

Deciding it was worth a try, Obi-Wan nodded. Very quickly, he was glad he had. It did make him feel better to talk about how the blue of Quigee's eyes had become the very symbol of love to him, how the strength of his soul made Obi-Wan's feel light. And Goran made him laugh talking about how he'd met Franaka in the middle of a swamp on Dantooine when they were both covered with slime and mud.

Goran chuckled. "Not the most romantic of moments, but, somehow, she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen."

Obi-Wan's own amusement faded a little. There had never been such a moment for him. He didn't think of Qui-Gon as handsome. Qui-Gon was beyond such a word; he was all that was precious and important. Qui-Gon simply was.

A sigh. "I think the thing that I miss the most is sleeping with her."

Obi-Wan's face grew very hot. He'd had the beginning biology lessons, so he knew what 'sleeping with someone' meant, but the specifics wouldn't be taught for another year.

Goran gave him a puzzled look, then laughed. "Oh, no, little one, I didn't mean that. I meant really going to sleep together. It's one of our favorite times. No interruptions, no one else but us and the music of our heartbeats." He sighed. "I worry about Franaka when she's away. Neither of us can sleep without the other close." He shook himself. "Listen to me, telling you something you already know."

Obi-Wan smiled and nodded, then got to his feet. "Thank you for talking to me, Knight Goran. I feel better now, and I'd better get back to the Creche before Master N'bara comes looking for me."

A delicate touch ruffled Obi-Wan's hair. "My pleasure. Come talk to me again, Obi-Wan. It was great fun."

Another nod, then he ran. It was necessary to run. His heart was breaking, and he didn't want anyone to see it. Qui-Gon never let him sleep with him. It seemed he shouldn't even be able to sleep without Obi-Wan, yet every night he sent him away. A special bond, Qui-Gon had always said. He'd never told Obi-Wan that it was special because it was weak.

**Present**

Oh, Force. Qui-Gon picked Obi-Wan up, then stalked back to the sofa. "You have it backwards, my imp," he said once he had them settled. "It is special because there has never been a stronger bond." Qui-Gon didn't have anything to support the claim, he simply knew in his heart it was true.

Obi-Wan had buried his face in Qui-Gon's tunic, the material quickly growing wet with his tears. /Then why can we sleep?/

"Because it is so strong." He kissed the top of Obi-Wan's head. "We have a stronger presence in each other's minds than most bondmates share." This much the Healers had assured him of. "We don't need the physical contact as much." Personally, he thought it was the Force's way of providing for them. At this stage of their lives they were apart too often to survive any stringent need for physical closeness. He'd also wager a speeder or two this would change once Obi-Wan hit puberty and other needs manifested.

A sniffle answered him. "You always say the day you get home from a mission is for me."

He nodded, caressing a damp cheek.

"But you send me back to the creche at night. Last time I was only with you for four hours before I had to go to bed. When I woke up the next morning you were already gone."

For three months. Obi-Wan had needed those hours with him to store against the long famine to come. And Qui-Gon needed no more than his eyes to discover the toll the long absence had taken on his beloved imp. Dark circles discolored the skin under Obi-Wan's eyes and his tunics hung on him.

He sighed, his soul heavy with remorse. "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan. I thought I was doing the right thing." Even the Jedi were not above vicious gossip and Qui-Gon had more than a few detractors. It was inevitable one of them would imply something besides sleeping was happening were they to share a bed.

/Let them talk, Quigee. I need you. I need to be with you./

He kissed Obi-Wan's forehead. The tip of his nose. His lips. The cleft of his chin. /Often you will be alone when you hear the whispers, my heart. None will blame you, but you do not handle insults to me well./

Obi-Wan nodded, then rose up to kiss Qui-Gon's forehead. The break of his nose. The tip. His lips. His chin. /I can be brave, Quigee. For you, I can do anything./

Of that Qui-Gon had no doubts. His courageous, beautiful, beloved imp of an Obi-Wan. "All right, imp, you win. I ask only that you sleep in the creche when I am not on Coruscant."

Obi-Wan nodded, snuggling up close. "I promise."

He'd expected Obi-Wan to leap to his feet and demand they fetch his things to move them into Qui-Gon's rooms.

Obi-Wan sighed happily. "Later Quigee. Right now, I want to sit here and listen to your heartbeat."

He kissed the top of Obi-Wan's head. "As you wish, my imp." As he wished. Always.

End


End file.
